


A letter never sent

by Anonymous



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Character Study, Emotional, Letters, M/M, POV Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21515716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Magnus writes.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the feels

Dear Alexander,

  
  


I miss you.

Sometimes I wonder that, if I just search for someone to take the place in my life you once had, I won’t miss you anymore. 

But the thing is… I don’t just miss the person you were to me. The relationship we had, the role you played in my life. I miss  _ you.  _ Who you are as a person. 

You saw a light in me that I thought had long gone out. Maybe you didn’t see it, maybe you put it there. That’s something I will always be grateful for. 

Perhaps we will reconnect one day, or we won’t. Either is okay. 

For now, the best thing to do is move on. Respect the choices that were made and take the next step on this road that leads who knows where. 

Still, in everything I do, I see you. In every song I listen to, your voice calls me. Whenever a certain emotion arises quicker or stronger than I anticipated, and I feel the sudden need to share it, you’re the first that comes to mind.

I keep talking to you, you know. In my head. It’s not the same, of course it’s not, it’s not you I’m talking to. Just a shadow, a memory, an impression of you. 

At times, I wish I could have you back, but it wouldn’t be a good thing. It would only hurt both of us.

I guess this is goodbye. For real this time.

  
  


Still forever yours,

Magnus.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Alexander,

I still have stamps left. Stamps that go all around the world, but the only place I want them to go, is to you.

Just like the stamps you imprinted on my heart, these are going to stay. They're not going anywhere.

As much as I wish they would, they won't.

Because once I have them gone, they still have to go somewhere, and that place is where you are.

So the stamps on my heart would be gone, but they'll be even more present on yours.

I can't do that to you. I can't play with your feelings like this. Nor do I have any desire to.

Sometimes, the reassurance of having someone _there_ is comforting, but I need to let go.

You shouldn't mean anything to me anymore, let alone this much.

I wish I could mail this letter. Get rid of the stamps, one at a time.

Love,

Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These letters work as a writing exercise for me, so please be gentle.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Alec,

It hurts.   
I thought I was prepared to lose you. I've lost so many people after all.

Sometimes I even wished I would lose you, just to get it over with.  
Be careful what you wish for.

You're gone now and I don't know what to do. 

How am I supposed to deal with this?   
You were a constant in my life, a reminder that it's okay to love and make connections.

But you're not here anymore.

I wish I'd done better.

Magnus


	4. Chapter 4

Alec,

Why was I not enough for you? 

I gave you everything I had, everything I am, and it wasn't enough.

Can I do anything to make it better? Will I ever be enough? 

Will you ever want me for who I am instead of for what I can give you?

You just left me like it didn't take any energy from you at all.

It was probably the easiest decision you ever made.

~~I needed you, Alec. I still do.~~

Magnus


End file.
